You just found out. Here's what to do first.

The first 48 hours

Whatever you felt when you saw the test, it was probably not the single clean emotion you expected. Excitement and quiet panic arriving together is the standard experience, not a red flag about your suitability as a father.

1. Say the reassuring thing out loud. She is watching your face. Whatever else is going on in your head can be worked through later, with a mate or a professional — in that moment she needs to know you're in.
2. Don't book anything, buy anything or announce anything. There is no decision in the first two days that gets better for being made in the first two days.
3. Ask what she needs. Some want to talk it to death. Some want to go to bed. Both are normal.

The first two weeks

1. Book the first appointment. In most systems you self-refer to a midwife or see the GP — first contact is usually somewhere around 8 to 10 weeks. Book it early; good midwives fill up.
2. Agree the telling plan. Who, when, and — this is the one couples fight about — whether your family hears before hers. Many wait until the 12-week scan. That's a choice, not a rule.
3. Take one job permanently. Not "helping more". One recurring job that is now entirely yours: the food shop, the bins, the cooking. Early pregnancy exhaustion is genuinely flattening.
4. Handle the smells. Nausea is triggered by smell more than by food. If you cook, you've solved a large part of the first trimester.
5. Check your leave. Find out what paternity or partner's leave you actually get, in writing. Don't tell work yet if you don't want to — just find out.
6. Start a boring savings habit. Not a spreadsheet. An automatic transfer on payday. See how much to save before the baby arrives.
7. Find one person you can be honest with. A mate, a brother, a counsellor. You will need somewhere to put the things you can't say to her.
8. Write down the questions. You will forget every one of them inside the appointment. Phone notes are fine.
9. Don't google symptoms at 2am. It will find the worst case every time. Ask the midwife — that's the job.
10. Learn the miscarriage reality. Roughly one in five to one in eight known pregnancies ends in early miscarriage. Knowing that in advance is not pessimism; it's why many couples wait to announce.

What genuinely doesn't matter yet

• The name. You have nine months and you'll change your mind four times. (There's a shortlist tool for when you're ready.)
• The nursery. Newborns sleep in your room for months in nearly every current guideline.
• The pram. Prices don't move much and models change.
• Whether you'll be good at this. Unanswerable now, and answering it is not this month's job.

Where to go next

• The nine months — what happens, and what your job is at each stage.
• The week-by-week tool — put the due date in, get your job for this week.
• Scared of becoming a dad — if that's the loud thought right now.